Life's little lessons and then some...

OK, wow. A few things to report but I have to get this one off my chest first. So, I decided to get a massage today (booked it yesterday at a place I really like called Prema Sai...a funky, calming place with some spirituality in the air). I haven't been there in ages so of course, the practitioners change and I have no idea who I'm getting. Her name ended up being Terri; a young, fun, tiny little blond 'girl' with cool short hair. She puts me in the room and I started stripping down. As I layed face down on the massage table I realized that I didn't even look around the room to get a sense of what this Terri chick is all about. Usually, I like getting a feel of the room and the things in it. "Oh well" I think, "I'll check it out when we're done".

Sometime during the massage I started getting a sense that Terri did other therapies as well and I asked her. She does...energy work, craniosacral therapy, etc. Then a vision popped into my mind and I saw an eagle man spreading his wings while facing me head on. He stayed there long enough for me to recognize that yes, this is what I was actually seeing. I remember thinking he was a chief eagle man and looking harder for the head dress...that wasn't clear to me and he started to fade fast. "Hmmm" I thought. "I'm going to google the meaning of eagle in Native American terms when I get home". Then I wondered if I was just crazy and vibing off the energy of being in a holistic clinic.

Remember how I said I wanted to check out the room before leaving? No word of a lie, as I am sitting up from my massage, I looked up and there was a vase filled with feathers on a high shelf right beside the massage table. Eagle feathers? Weird! Coincidence? This is something that happens to sista G, not me...I couldn't wait to get home and figure this out.

I googled the meaning of eagle and you have no idea how meaningful the eagle description is in my life right now, I nearly fell off my freakin' chair when I read about eagle. You will likely understand this more as I blog more regularly and things move forward. Key words that resonate with me are courage, freedom, a message to trust and fly...

www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=95890948826

www.religions-and-spiritualities-guide.com/american-eagle.html

The other things I can't forget to mention are that I spoke with THE Kris Carr on the phone on Wednesday. I happened to visit her website at random (I visit now and then for inspiration) and saw that she was offering phone consults. I signed up without hesitation and then felt more and more dorky and nervous as the day of the phone call approached. I'm not one to 'talk to strangers' and admittedly felt like a groupie, like I was calling a celebrity or something. Ugh.

Anyway, she is by far the coolest gal on this planet, filled me with ideas and inspiration, and we bonded over our love of New Mexico which she deems as her 'spiritual center'. I hear ya sister! I also loved how she considers herself a 'spiritual marathon runner'. She has led the way for so many of us young cancer survivors and has done all the leg work to pass on an incredible wealth of hope and information. Plus she swears (uses the f word), I loved that. Real. It was great to speak with her and put myself out there, outside my comfort zone. I plan on going to Upaya in Santa Fe one day now too.

I personally think her website is inspiring even if you haven't had cancer so check it out: http://www.crazysexycancer.com/ and her blog: http://www.crazysexylife.come/ (packed with jewels and jewels of information).

The last few things...what the heck is up with mishaps this week??? I was searching online for new green smoothie recipes and one woman was RAVING about using green cabbage and fruit, and how lovely the taste and color of it was. She also mentioned that it would be perfect for newbies to try (which I'm not but I like milder smoothies so what the heck). DO NOT try this at home!!!! BLEGH!!!! I took a sip of what I liken to liquid FIRE. Holy cannoli cabbage is spicy HOT! Similar I imagine to drinking garlic juice. Seriously lady? I don't know what she's thinking. I happened to share this with Kris Carr who immediately asked me, "Girl, what were you doing?". I was a little happy to hear that it was normal to hate the cabbage smoothie from the guru herself and that I wasn't just a wimp. I'm open to expanding my green smoothie repertoire and experimenting but this one was a huge bust. Gross.

And speaking of fire...despite my eagle vision, my massage today wasn't the greatest. I'm allergic to sunflower seeds and sunflower oil. So much so that even if I get it on my skin I react BADLY (coughing, can't breath). Of course when I mention this, Terri the massage therapist has to go on a hunt for massage oil not containing sunflower. After a really long time, she finally came back exhausted but armedwith some peppermint lotion instead. OK. Not!

After she massaged both arms and my back I couldn't stand it any longer! My body was on FIRE and I was freeeeezing!!! I was trying to suck it up and just brave through but I couldn't. I finally caved and told Terri how I was feeling and she started laughing. She then admitted that her eyes had been watering and her hands were tingling really badly. We laughed and then switched to a shea butter lotion which was much better but by then, the whole relaxation thing wasn't happening. Terri told me that one day she was really hot and rubbed some muscle rub (like A5-35 or Tiger Balm) all over her skin and she was freezing for the rest of the night. Exactly what I felt like. She did get me a blanket which helped though. And funny that her name was Terri...that was my given name at birth. I don't feel connected to it like I do my 'real' name Tracey but...one has to wodner if there's significance in that too considering today.

That's all folks.

My birthday and a brand new year

Okay, I'm only 39 years old now but still swirling in what I feel is a kind of early or pre midlife crisis. Sounds more dramatic when I put it down in words to be honest. Yikes. Anyway...

I feel like I'm on the edge of big and crazy change. Which, I have to admit, I LOVE change. But in order to do so this time around I really need to tap into my gut and feel and listen to what its telling me. Hard to do though because I'm so deeply entrenched that I can't tell what the 'frig' its really telling me. Both of my options seem pretty dang good and each day I seem to sway toward one option more than the other but equally. I'm at a point in my life where I seem to have most everything I dreamed of having when I was a little younger. Nothing major like millions of dollars, etc, just the simple things that create happiness in life. I'm on the brink of it all coming together...and yet, I feel that something is missing and that's the pull in the other direction. I need to put both feet on one path or the other but I'm confused and kind of a coward for the first time in life! I usually jump in without too much hesittation but this feels monumental and is making me freeze in my tracks. A wise friend told me that whatever decision I make is going to be the right one and reminded me that I can make anything happen in life if its what I want, anything is possible...and I find myself hanging on to those words and repeating them in my head daily. I'm hoping something starts feeling really right so it can shift me in some direction and out of limbo.

The bright light of the month of June was seeing Josh Ritter in concert in Seattle with Tamara. FRONT ROW! That guy comes out smiling and never stops. His joy is infectious! Pure happiness and loving what he does...you can FEEL it. A role model for how to love the life you live.

Hmmm...

Life. Its always changing. I hear stories about people, friends, and loved ones every day that make me realize there are no rights and wrongs. Just when you think you yourself or everybody else is doing ok, you hear or find that things have changed. It makes me feel very normal to be honest and takes some pressure off of feeling like I need to know exactly what to do or what I'm doing. Although, I could use an education in trusting my feelings and decisions more and truly pursuing and living the life I love. I used to, and then somehow that changed. I really liked a quote I read today (thanks Holly for posting this one): Life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating memories and learning from the past. I think I'll chew on that a while.

Back on Canadian soil

Well, I'm back home. Not sure if I should be posting a blog entry today since I'm lacking flair and energy...been unpacking and fitting in appointments in between. Suddenly, its Friday, a whole week gone by already! And there is so much more to do! I was hoping to get everything done by today so I could enjoy the weekend free and clear. Maybe I should just relax a little and not push myself to get it all done in such a hurry. Yep, that sounds like a good idea. Let it go Trace!

OMG, Leonard Nemo (Spock from Star Trek) is actually in Vulcan, Alberta today (per the radio broadcast I just heard). Apparently he's wearing his original ears from the 1950s. Love it.

Big appointment next Friday, my annual mammogram and ultrasound and I can't help but re-live the fear of hearing I have cancer all over again. I know there's no point in worrying but its tough not to. Cross your fingers for me and here's hoping I get another 'all clear'. Once that is over with, I can breath again. Its inhibiting me from feeling 100% right now...but I'm trying.

I start work on Monday so that will be a crazy week and will hopefully keep my mind off the ta-tas. Not thrilled about heading back to the same old job and same old low morale but its a stepping stone and a paycheck. If anything, I've learned not to settle for anything less than your hopes and dreams...so if it doesn't feel right, adios! But, it could be great too. No expectations.

Okay, that's all I have in me for now. Missing my peeps in New Mexico and thinking of you all. And happy to see familiar faces again and be home in C-town at the same time.

Oh, favorite quote of the day (stumbled upon it during my organizng and unpacking)"
"Alone, one cannot share life". I am definately not lacking and so grateful for that.

Wow...time flies

This time next week I'll be rolling down the highway and headed north again. Still so much to do that it really hasn't hit me yet. I wish I could move all of New Mexico with me. The people, the food, the landscape, the culture, the vibe...onward bound I guess. I love a good road trip and all the adventure it holds, and there is a lot to go home to and for. I'm torn between two places. Guess I always will be.

Still fighting this virus which sucks. Seriously, its like clockwork. Night hits and my throat hurts with every swallow, the coughing begins, as do the sleepless nights. I am now not so thrilled at the idea of getting a 'cold' as mentioned in my previous post. It sucks. I lull myself to sleep with honey/lemon water and Stephen King's new book "Under the Dome". Its gigantic and deserves a pat on the back after getting through it in my opinion. Sadly, I've barely broken into the first 100 pages and there are 1000 total. Tough to read when you are coughing constantly!

Still addicted to Emergency and have almost made it through season 4 online. After that, I'll have to buy the next 2-3 remaining seasons. NBC hasn't posted those episodes yet. And trust me, I will buy them.

Well, cheers to another sleepless night and wincing with every swallow. Here's hoping tomorrow is the day I start turning a corner!

Small town USA

I'm sure gonna miss this place and the people...such a relaxed and gentler way of life. I just spent an hour hanging out at a friend's hair salon as she cut hair, chatting with her and all the clients coming and going. Very 'Steel Magnolias' kind of feeling to it all. Everyone is interwined after you've been here for a while and you end up knowing lots about everyone, mostly in a good way too. You sure don't get to do stuff like that in the big city. Or at least I haven't been able to. Po-ke-no nights, neighbours helping neighbours, its a beautiful thing and I feel like I belong in this kind of world...small town USA. Everything and everyone is just REAL. You can let your hair down, nothing and nobody to keep up with, no rat race, just real life. Free and easy.

Aaachoo!

Well, I AM still happy about the fact that I caught a cold. BUT, the thrill is definately over. I thought it was as bad as it was going to get for the first few days...a short lived sore throat and a bit sniffly but otherwise felt okay. Until last night. It hit hard. I'm currently living on green tea, kleenex, Halls, and minimal sleep. Rented a cheesy movie from Red Box this afternoon ("Old Dogs") and plan to lay in bed watching it and try and sleep afterward. I love Red Box by the way! Movies for $1.00...get outta town. Also got some red chile stew to make for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow...that should be the hearty kick my cold needs to start turning around. Poor Kiva is bored and sleeping on the floor beside me...what a trooper.