Fear

The 'f' word of the day. That's right, I said it. Fear can be paralyzing and it IS paralyzing me today. This morning my mind is racing and my stomach is spinning and I'm worrying about cancer being in other places. I thought that when I finished my treatments, I'd get the 'all clear' and suddenly feel free and lifted. It was just cancer in one area and they got it right? DONE! Back to 'normal' and feeling safe and healthy again. Not the case this morning. That swallow problem I've had for over a year, is it a brain tumor? Maybe cancer of the larynx/pharynx? MS even? I suddenly feel the urge to book an MRI. I definately need a good chat with the oncologists again...I'm just waiting for the f/u appt. to be scheduled, likely not until next week. And as much as I hate MRIs, I'm going to request one. Peace of mind is powerful. And Dr. Joe Murray is in town next week to teach a FEES course (fibre endoscopic evaluation of swallowing)...a scoping course and I'm glad I'm registered for it. I'll get scoped by the best of the best SLPs in the world and hopefully rule out the laryngeal fear I have! Crazy right? Well, welcome to world of cancer people. It ain't always pretty.