I did it!

Surgery! I was much calmer in the days leading up to surgery which actually freaked me out a little and felt good at the same time. But as I stepped foot in the McCaig building for the second time and the second surgery, I instantly wanted to bolt. I managed to get myself up to the 3rd floor day surgery unit and got gowned up and then waited and waited...and waited to be 'called' by a porter. Thank goodness for Holly being there to keep me company and more importantly, to keep me laughing. Despite being scared I was also calm. What a strange feeling but despite my nervousness I knew everything would be OK. I knew what to expect. I've done this before. I've got this. The porter finally came and that's when my nerves really kicked in. I got to the O.R. waiting area, met my resident anasthesiologist (who I gave a hard time, why do they send out residents to the most anxious patients? It was a teaching moment for me let me tell ya)...and I met Dr. Watson who was my actual anasthesiologist who has been doing this forever. Sweet and kind man with experience, thank goodness! I lucked out. The other lady getting surgery met with her anasthesiologist who looked like he was fresh out of school and I'm so glad he wasn't assigned to me! I'm sure he is amazing at his job, its just my psyche that wrestled with the idea of him. Then I met with Dr. Lindsay and of course, a really young, cute Dr. from Edmonton. I think also a resident but Dr. Lindsay made sure to tell me he IS a DOCTOR. Lol. They got me all marked up and calmed my fears as best they could (still teary at this point). Nothing like baring the full monty to a cute MD. Agggh. Soon after that, Holly gave me a big hug and I was escorted to the O.R. Holly was so sweet  and making sure to remind everyone how important this surgery was for me. Of course I'm teary and crying a little and everyone is SO sweet to me. O.R. nurses and anyone who works in the O.R. I swear are THE kindest and gentlest souls on earth. My main nurse was awesome and had that amazing combination of looking like she knows her shit but was sweet as pie. Solid. She guided me through each step (getting strapped down to the table is pretty freaky) and maintained eye contact with me and had my back! Another nurse in a mask said nothing to me except with her eyes and they were the kindest unspoken words that hit my heart and soul. I warned everyone not to laugh because I had ut my hospital pants on backwards and the opening was at the front. Hilarious. The resident anasthesiologist is meanwhile trying to slap my arm, have me make fists, looking and looking for a vein to insert the I.V. into. As she's doing this Dr. Lindsay is giving me the rundown of the procedure. I finally lost my patience and told the resident to get someone else to insert the I.V. I was polite but irriated, don't mess with an anxious patient sista! Get 'er done and get 'er done quick thank you very much. Dr. Watson got the I.V. in quickly. I got a weird taste in my mouth and asked about it, he said some people can taste the I.V. fluids. Gross. But of course I'm one of those people. I think they gave me O2 for a bit as well, standard procedure before anyone gets anasthetic. Right after that, I was being told by my main nurse that I'd be asleep in 30 seconds. It felt like forever. I felt all my limbs getting really heavy, got kind of dizzy, and then out. They didn't give the nice relaxing meds that I got last time which I was really hoping for. That MD was the best out of all three of my surgeries. Once surgery was completed, I got wheeled to the first recovery area where they keep you for about an hour. I woke up right away and had another great nurse Hilary, who chatted to me about her firend who had a double mastectomy and decided against reconstruction, about her own life, changes we've both made to eating, and she even gave me a recipe for a quinoa chocolate cake. I laugh that I picked up a recipe in the recovery room of all places. I recovered well. At first, I heard them say I was 'tachy' which I knew what that meant and it freaked me out a little. But my BP and O2 sats were awesome, and little blood loss I was told. I was quite shaky and blurry eyed which is normal from the anasthesia but it went away within that hour. Hilary always told me I was doing "fantastic" which always reassured me. There was one guy barfing from the anasthesia and I sure felt for him. Then I was wheeled back to the day surgery recovery area where I stayed for two hours. Ate some cookies, drank lots of water, hung out with Holly, and texted everyone with updates. My nurse there was also pretty great and very thorough. I made it to the bathroom and back without a near faint like last time so I got the OK to go home. My head felt clear but I felt a little unstable...I like how my nurse Theresa said, "its like you've had a few cocktails". Exactly! Holly wheeled me in a wheelchair to the parkade and right to the car per nurse Theresa's strict instructions. We went home, ate chicken noodle soup, and I snuggled into bed. Feel great today but napping lots. So glad this surgery is completed and no more scheduled!!!! Yeow! I'm done! I follow up with my surgeon next week. I'm hoping my boobs even out because one is bigger than the other...it better be swelling! And that's that. All done. Its amazing what we can endure and get through. I did it!

Surgery is now DAYS away!

I keep hearing the Jaws shark theme in my head. I need to stop that lol.

Just a quick blurb today...I fly home tomorrow for 2 weeks for surgery, recovery, and a follow up appt. with my surgeon before heading stateside again. I'm SO grateful that my work is so accomodating and allowing me to start work a week late. Amazing. It allows me time to go home, heal, go to my follow up appt., and be ready for work instead of feeling rushed. And to be honest, this IS a pretty big deal so I'm thankful for being given the opportunity to experience it with enough time to absorb and process it all too. Almost done with all this cancer schmancer.

Scared as heck? That's right. But somehow I manage to do what needs to be done and get through it anyway. And after this, other than a simple-ish procedure to get a nipple tattoo once 'the girls' have settled...no more big, bad, scary surgeries! AND I'll finally have two boobs again! TMI? Point is, I'm trying to keep THESE thoughts in my head as I get closer to my surgery date. (Dang it! There's that shark theme in my head again!).

And one month later I get to be back home again hanging with my sistas and doing the Melissa's run. I'd say life is pretty good. Even if I am broke from all this travel and plane tickets home!

And then, once back in the US, I start my job and I'm LOVING the idea of my new placement! I'm not a school therapist by any means, just not my passion. But this placement allows me to work with medically fragile home bound kiddos and at 'RTCs'...Residential Therapy Centers...level 3 lockdown baby. These are the kiddos with mental health and behavioral issues. Now that sounds sexy to me, in work terms that is. I miss my days of working at the maximum security prison for juveniles up to age 21. This is the next best thing for me when it comes to being passionate about what I do and finding reward in the work I do.

So...one more big hurdle in my personal Olympics and that's surgery. Then its all good from there...no more anticipation, no more stress. I could sure use some of that! And a freakin' celebratory pina colada.