Chickened Out

Bock, bock, I'm a chicken. If you read my last post, you know it's cancer check up time...the time of year where I go for a few tests and MD appointments to hopefully find out I'm still in the clear. It's never easy (for many reasons). And this year, thanks to a few stubborn lymph nodes that decided to swell up and not go away, I have a new test added to the list. A PET scan. Woohoo! NOT. Somehow, despite being claustrophobic, I have always managed to get through MRIs alright and sedation-free. Just slap a cloth over my eyes and send me in. Am I relaxed? Hell no! That tube is tiny and tight and they don't even play music for me! But I always seem to be able to find my strength and tough it out. The PET scan is similar and actually, the 'tube' is even a little bigger but just as long. Doesn't matter. Today, I realized that my coping skills have finally thrown in the towel. Ding ding! TKO. After having to be strong and brave sooooooooooo many times with my health and procedures, I'm tired and my mind and body let me know it today. I had to be on a high protein diet with only 2 veggie options for the last 24 hours. That alone had me feeling nasty. N-A-S-T-Y! No sugar, fine. No milk, good, I don't like the stuff and I'm allergic to dairy. But all the meat and cheese I want, go for it. Yuck. Water, meat, eggs, broccoli, and beans. Mmmmm (sarcasm). I woke up this morning nervous but happy to get this over with so I could finally have a cup of coffee and some fruits and veggies again. I got myself to the imaging clinic and checked in. A tech or nurse called me and we took the elevator to the basement (nuclear imaging and cancer related stuff like chemo always seem to be in the bowels of the buildings they live in). Gulp. I mentioned to the tech that I was nervous and asked if I could go in feet first. Nope. Dang! But he was sweet enough to let me have a few trial runs going into the scanner before my IV injection...never made it that far. On my second try going into the machine, I made it all the way in with a cloth over my eyes but couldn't have done the entire scan (45 minutes in that thing!). I was still trying reeeeeaaaally hard to work myself up to it but unfortunately, my decision was time sensitive. The techs don't want to inject all that radiation into you and then have you chicken out and have to come back for more. And the radiopharmaceutical (tracer) begins to degrade after a certain amount of time. So...I cracked under pressure and rescheduled for next week. And...I'm actually going to take the xanax they can put into my IV with the tracer. Never had it before and I've never taken the sedatives as suggested, but I think I'm going to 'man up' and do what it takes to get through comfortably. I've always said I LOVE radiology techs and these ones live up to my claim to their fame. My tech told me that this is really common, to chicken out and reschedule and was just the greatest guy. And I feel pretty good about being able to say no today and just do what I was most comfortable with. I usually just do what I'm told. Next week I plan to wear my Wonder Woman tank and undies under my clothes for the scan though...for a little added bravery.