"Without struggle...

there is nothing".

"When there is no struggle, there is no strength".



Are you sensing a theme here? I'm thrown off course these days...I'm surprised that I'm not adjusting as quickly or easily as I would normally. I tend to feel fine so I expect things to BE fine...but I'm learning that when it comes to change and stress, my resiliency and coping skills have waned. The past few years tapped my resources for strength I think. The keg is near empty. I am definately changed. And my perspective...what happened to those rose colored glasses? Where no matter what situation I was in, I could always turn it around and make it great? I still TRY to do that but there's a bit of an edge to me now. That rosy perspective doesn't come as easily anymore. I haven't got all the things I wanted out of life and now I feel a bit pissed about that actually. It has me off course and now trying to reidentify with myself. Who am I now? Single-ish, no kids, rambling around North America and not feeling like anything fits or that I fit in anywhere. Where's my cozy little niche? This isn't what I asked for, it isn't what I dreamed for myself...life is unpredictable and we don't always get what we expect or ask for...I just have to try and figure out how to pick myself up, dust myself off and find my place in the world again. Stress, negative thinking, panic attacks and anxiety...I thought those were things of the past but they're back. I sure didn't expect this...but maybe it will lead me to the place I've always dreamed of or better. Didn't someone once say that out of adversity comes...something...something good, better? Out of desperateness...something like that? Maybe I'm on the verge of something great. I'll say this, I better damn well be! I think I've paid my dues when it comes to struggling at this point. At least that's my opinion! Check out my latest theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Geg6_-3jPzI