So long AHS...

It doesn't feel real yet but I finally did what I should have done a long time ago (but wasn't ready to)...I actually resigned from AHS. I wrote and emailed my letter of resignation tonight so my manager has it first thing tomorrow morning. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous and hesitant to hit the 'send' button. My stomach was in my throat. Looks like my 3 month LOA is now long term. But I say cheers to the freedom from the clutches of AHS! I tell ya, I'm in New Mexico, the place they deem "the land of entrapment" because once you're here you never want to leave. Even when you do leave, you keep coming back. AHS was another land of entrapment, only polar opposite. You WANT to leave and NEVER come back but it sucks you in. A swirling drain of low morale, negativity, and stagnancy. Of course, that's just MY opinion. Its not where I belong or belonged. But I loved the work and my patients, and AHS was the only way to have that. And I really need to be GRATEFUL for everything positive that came from working there for over 7 years. Knowledge, growth, experience, memories, and some good people. And I AM grateful for all of that. I've done a lot of soul searching these past 3 months and I feel like the more I try to search for answers, the less they come. But when it came to imagining myself returning to work at AHS one more time, it was like I hit a wall and froze, feet stuck in quicksand. I just couldn't push myself past it. My internal radar was screaming, "danger, danger park ranger!". My gut KNEW it was not the right thing to do. And I am listening. Finally, I am listening. Its time to force myself out of my comfort zone, search for new opportunities, and chart a new course. When I really think about it, it feels refreshing to be honest. Like a jumping-into-a-swimming-pool-on-a-hot-day-and-coming-up-out-of-the-water refreshed. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I am free. It feels good. And I am learning to trust that things are going to be OK without AHS.