Do I smell freedom???

As my friend would say, "hell to the YES"! It's day 2 off from work and man does it feel GOOD. I love being an SLP and I love working in acute care with critically ill adults. LOVE IT. But...what I don't like is working for Alberta Health Services (AHS). It's a sinking ship my friends. Actually, its already sunk.

Patients, whether they know it or not, are not getting the care they could be getting and the care that they deserve. At least not when it comes to communication and swallow therapy. And they don't often know the kind of care they could be getting because they've never seen it before. And yet, our friends to the south of us, are getting kick ass care. Even Edmontonians are getting better care from what my colleagues tell me. Why can't we pull it together Calgary? Ugh. I just shake my head.

Having this time to step back and step away is already liberating. I feel like I can BREATH again! I feel like the sky is a little brighter, things are starting to look a little shinier, and my insides feel that long lost sense of hope, excitement, and freedom to be me again. This is SO worth it.

At what price do I sacrifice my sanity, my values, and my standards JUST to take the only job out there? I am beginning to realize there is so much more to life and I've been living under this cloud believing this was my only option. And I see so many people at work who can so easily live with status quo, live in the dark ages far from cutting edge, and be OK with it. Really? I just can't. There is SO much MORE to life and living. Like that quote..."a person may live 100 years and not live one day of it"...or something like that. Drones.

I have no idea what I'm doing on this LOA. I have no plan. Is that scary or what? Admittedly, I feel completely lost but for the first time in a really long time, I'm going to let go of every expectation and spend some time doing whatever I love and listening to my gut. Try to tap into it again and figure out who I am and what I need to do. Not a bad start right?

A cup of sunshine

Inspiration hit me out of nowhere in the staff bathroom at work this morning. POW! Amazing job idea! What the hell?!

And better yet...it encompasses everything, (okay miss over-the-moon, let's come down from cloud nine a little and be real)...it encompasses A LOT of things that I would love in my 9-to-5.

Just an idea at this point but it was SO fun to start thinking about it and about all of the possibilities. My brain was ZOOMING through millions of ideas, scenarios, and a bright new future!

I always try and think of my 'dream' job but come up short. Not for lack of interest or wanting or trying though. People always say to think about the things you love to do, write them down, and then try and imagine a job that would involve all or most of those things. Let's face it, I'm a freakin' Gemini and I love ALL things! Narrow it down? How? Are you kidding me?!

My point is, that I really do want to find or create that perfect job where I don't feel like its 'work' but I just haven't nailed it or even come close. For whatever reason, today of all days and in a bathroom of all places...I think I had a stroke of genius and I feel pretty pumped up about investigating it further. Its not something that would or could happen fast, but I like the idea of dreaming and planning in the meantime and seeing where it leads me. THANK-YOU to whatever powers that be who planted this idea (more like slammed it) in my head this morning and filled my cup of life with a little sunshine.

It was and is MUCH needed. Gracias!

California here I come!

If you know me, you KNOW that I am THE biggest fan of the old 1970's TV show...Emergency! Watched it when I was 6 years old and then was reunited at age 39 with re-runs via http://www.nbc.com/ when I was living in New Mexico last year. I watched ALL of the first 4 seasons that were posted on the NBC website and then bought seasons 5 and 6...soon to be buying the final 7th season. I know, you're shaking your head thinking, "seriously"? Yes. SERIOUSLY!

But the highlight of my life so far??? A special Emergency! event being held in California in July!!! Not only THAT...but it will be happening at the fire station they filmed the show at...and the two original fire engines and squad 51 used on the show will be there AS WELL AS...RANDOLPH MANTOOTH! For those of you who aren't die hards like me, that's Firefighter Paramedic (PM) Johhny Gage. Mike Stoker, a real Firefighter by trade and the guy who drove the engines will be there too. The event is also FREE, hello?! WITH the chance to WIN a contest where you can be driven to the station in squad 51! I am so excited! (Not obvious enough?).

Am I a total dork or what?! But yes people, this is one of my many and very unique-to-Tracey dreams. And...it all happens exactly 1 month after my 40th birthday, What a way to roll into 40! And hey, even if I don't win the contest (you know I'm gonna try though), I still get to go and see it all. A-MA-ZING.

I was planning on doing a road trip to go see the station, the hospital ("Rampart" which is really Harbour or something like that), and the museum that houses the fire engines and squad 51. I was hoping I could just knock on the door of the station and ask if they'd let me take a peek inside (I've read online that the kitchen actually looks the same as it did on the show, cool!). But now I don't have to put a piecemeal trip together, its all in one baby and MORE!

Here's hoping I'll be rolling up to "station 51" IN "squad 51"...where Johnny and Roy spent many an episode doing the exact same thing. A seat in history. I'll take it!

Thanks for letting me get some of my excitement out via blog...I am bursting with anticipation! Cannot wait!

A Lesson in Aging

That's NOT me in the photo you see but it helps make my point. I am turning 40 this year and consider myself to be very young at heart as well as still looking young.

I went to a new hair stylist last week (thanks to a great deal on 'living social'), Alyssa, who I'd guess is about 23 years old. Sweet girl, chatty, and well beyond her years.

The haircut was alright but the way it was styled was something else. Poofy, round, not a hair out of place, curled...sooo not me. I just figured Alyssa didn't know me well enough yet.

I went back today to have my roots colored and add in a few more highlights. Again, nice but the way Alyssa styled my hair was brutal for the second time. Poofy, round, not a hair out of place, no curls but roll-brush round...sound familiar to my first visit? Then I realized...I look like my mom!!!!

And why wouldn't I? I swear that this is how my 20-something year old hair stylist must see me! OMG. Or even worse, am I really looking old enough to resemble and older woman?

The lesson? For God's sake, if you want to maintain your sense of youth and self-esteem during your late 30s...DO NOT have your hair styled by someone 20 years younger than you are. Trust me on this one ladies.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

OK. Over the past few years I have somehow started to collect an informal list of 'things I want to do' in my head. These things just seem to pop into my head every now and then. Most people would call it a "Bucket List" but I hate the sound of that. It just sounds morbid to me. But I also can't seem to come up with my own hip term to replace it, so for now, its just my 'things to do list'.

I think it started the day I decided to write a letter to one of my favorite and uber inspiring singers, Josh Ritter. This guy will make you smile on the inside and out just by seeing him in concert. I took a chance and wrote him a letter. Not a crazed-I-love-you-Josh-Ritter fan letter. I just felt compelled to let him know how inspiring he is, and his music. And OK, how much I love it!

Well, who freakin' knew that one day I'd be pulling a postcard out of my mailbox from Josh?! Dream #1 come true.

I think this was the fuel that started my fire and I have since been coming up with other dreams I want to make come true. Not intentionally, they just come. And trust me, they're not Oprah Winfrey worthy, but they are my dreams just the same. That's what makes it so great.

Another dream I've had relates to the show Extreme Makeover-Home Edition with Tai Pennington. I LOVE that show! I can't watch it without crying, being inspired, and feeling fired up to help others. And in fact, sometimes I can't watch the show because I get MAD that I'm not involved in it somehow! That's how much I want to be a part of the show and how much it means to me.

I decided way back that I was going to send in a DVD (video) of me asking to be a participant on the show to help a family and meet the design team. I kept putting it off for more than a year. Then in January I finally grabbed a ball and made the video, put some photos together, and filled out the application. It all sat in a box on the dining room table for months. Until today. I mailed it! I know the chances of me getting a call to be on the show are SLIM but...I am so glad I put myself out there and did what I could to try and make it happen. I've seen that this year they have guests on the show but they're celebrities, so maybe I waited too long...I sure ain't no celebrity! But like I say, I will hold out the hope that just like Josh, Tai Pennington will contact me. Imagine?!

The only other 'thing to do' on my list at this point in time is (and yes, its totally cheesy) to visit the firehall from the TV show Emergency! in California and the museum that houses the old fire engine and squad car used on the show. And wouldn't you know it? THIS July, the museum is asking all Emergency! fans to write in about why they (aka ME) are the biggest fan. There's an event going on, no details yet, but you KNOW where I'LL be in July people! And here's hoping I get to meet Johnny and Roy...Randolph Mantooth and Kevin Tighe, and maybe even some of the other cast.

Follow your dreams people, whatever they may be. A dream is a dream is a dream and all are worthy of reaching for. Just think about the stories you'll have to tell. You never know unless you try.