Ouch!

Had my second appt. for my second "fill" this morning. I'm now home, in pain, trying to find a comfortable position to sit or lay in but haven't found it yet. I actually took some aspirin so if you know me, you know that the pain is bad. It surprised me actually...I thought the worst part was over. I thought the first appt. would be the worst. The actiual fill felt a lot better today. I didn't really even feel pressure until the last 40cc's going in. But by the time I got home I was in a lot of pain. My entire left side and back (scapula area) ACHE and hurt.  It actually overtakes the entire left quadrant from the side to my sternum to below my ribs and just underneath my collarbone...and this time my back as well. It feels like broken ribs healing...badly bruised and sore. Any arm movement triggers it as well. Good news is that my surgeon said its going "really well" and things should go as planned. He guestimated another 2 fills and then we wait. Second surgery in June and it'll be done!

It's all about the boob...

I haven't had a chance to chat about my boob yet. TMI? So...the surgery I had was to have a tissue expander put in. I thought it was a simple cut-me-open-and-slide-it-in procedure. Not so much actually. The expander is placed underneath my pectoralis muscle and sewn in on the side. And trust me, that thing is SEWN in WELL. It feels like a brick. There's also a little corner of the bag poking out of my skin which I thought was the saline port. I was told it's just a corner of the expander/bag that will hopefully unfold as I expand. Hope so, it creeps me out and is uncomfortable! I also thought it was going to be an easy 6 months...what's the big deal? They slide the thing in, I go for 'fills' (like at a gas station), and then another surgery to put the implant in. Voila! Nope. Because of the placement of the expander, it's freakin' uncomfortable and bumpy. Apparently most women "live on pain killers" for the entire 6 months. I don't have much choice in pain killers seeing as I'm allergic to most of them except aspirin. But I've refused to take them. That wasn't so smart post surgery and even after my first fill at the surgeon's office. I'm doing OK now. Uncomfortable but there are actually moments when I don't notice its there...moments. The tissue expander gets filled with saline every 1-2 weeks until it becomes slightly larger than the other boob. This is so the tissue can expand and get prepped to have an implant placed. My first fill was  two weeks ago-100cc's and felt like someone was putting a sandbag on my chest. Lots of pressure. The patient literature calls it "tightness". They've obviously never talked to their patients. Its stretching skin that hasn't had any movement or boob on it for 3 years! You can imagine how it feels just thinking about that. But despite everything I'm experiencing, its exciting. I'm slowly decreasing the 'fluff' in my fake boob (I had to revert back to the crappy one they gave me after my mastectomy so I can decrease the size because that one is filled with batting). My man boob is starting to cause a little cleavage so it looks more like a real boob than flat with a big ol' scar. I didn't realize that this would become a monumental step or experience for me...its the final piece to putting my cancer behind me and getting back to normal. No more slapping on a prosthesis every day, worrying about whether my shirt is too low that it can be seen, or having to avoid certain clothing, and just the overall pain in the ass of it being there. But, I do need clarification from my surgeon because he looked at it and seemed a little worried that this expansion phase might not go as expected. I don't care about smaller boobs if that's the problem, just get me a boob buddy. And I don't want the other "trans flap" surgery that is 8 hours and 6 weeks of hard recovery. My next fill is tomorrow morning so I'm hoping to get my answers and feel reassured that this will work out. We watched the movie 50/50 last night which brought back a lot of the emotions around my cancer diagnosis and surgery and chemo. We both cried while reliving some of it. The movie of course doesn't show just how intense it is, or how long and hard chemo is (people aren't sitting there eating marijuana macaroons), the agony of waiting for weekly test results to tell you what it is, what stage it is, how bad it is, etc...and so much more that goes with it all over the weeks and months and years. Feeling like your life is or could be over soon? Can't bottle that emotion. But it's a movie and people don't want to leave devastated right? Ha ha. It still did the job I think. Heck, we cried. It was funny and raunchy which was good...that Seth Rogen has quite the mouth! I recommend it if you know anyone or even don't know anyone who has or had cancer. Anyway, thats the boob update. I wonder what tomorrow will bring! After that, I think there are only 2-3 more fills. Send me good, stretchy skin vibes...that sounds gross. Never mind. Just send good thoughts!

Maryland

Hanging out with aunt Tracey before bed

Ella took this picture! Me and Grace...

Sleeping beauty

I can't describe how great it was to turn the corner in the Amtrak station in Union Station and see my brother and my niece and nephew all waiting for me and smiling. The smiles...I felt so loved and realized even more how much I have missed them all. We grabbed my bag, hopped in the car, and headed for home. How good to be in a 'home' after a week in the car and in hotels. All I can say is that it was incredible to see and hold my newest niece Grace, such a tiny little nugget! And so sweet. And how incredible it was to spend days with family. Ella and Henry kept me busy and we had a ton of fun. Tickle Monster was the best before bed every night...laughing and acting crazy. It was so nice to be on a schedule and get some solid sleep all week too! Time with my sister-in-law talking and bonding in person versus email or FB, and with my big bro. Special times. Truly special times. That's really all I can say. My heart is full and today...I come home to an amazing card in the mail from my brother...seriously, I could burst. It was a whirlwind week and I could have stayed forever. I'm too tired for details, you get the idea though...it was a GREAT few days. I thought my flights home would be draining and long (I had to change planes 3 times...DC to Boston, Boston to Toronto, Toronto to Calgary). But it wasn't so bad! every plane was a nice, big airbus with TV and movies. I basically read the whole time (last book of the Hunger Games Trilogy)...this entire trip = my best 2 weeks in a long time.

RTC Core Vocabulary

This post is really for me so I don't forget the crazy lingo from our road trip. I figured I better write it out (and add what I forget later) before going on to blog about my visit with Matt, Polly, and the kiddos. Mary and I were cracking up the entire trip and there usually came a time of day when we started to get "low in the brainstem" (as Mary likes to say) and we deemed this Dumb and Dumber time. Somehow a new vocabulary was created because we became totally aphasic and our conversations and speech became very 'dumbed down'. I'll write the few I remember right now and keep going later...

Meat Stick = any type of pepperoni stick (actual conversation: "Mmmm, your meat stick smells good"..."would you like some?"..."No, I'm saving myself for later.")
Gum Rag = a restaurant napkin to put wads of gum into until it gets full
Puff Ball Pines = we think these were actually cedar trees
Omahomey = any friend we made in Omaha
Ball Bump = instead of bumping fists, you bump balls (on a keychain that is)
Mad Man Mask = our scary biker face mask bought from a gas station
Butter Shirt = a shirt that is too tight
Manpanion = your male 'partner' if you don't want to use the term 'boyfriend' and you're not married

That's all for now...must chat with Mary so she can refresh my memory for the rest.

Road Trip Recap: Day 6 & 7

Our entire trip on a t-shirt

Happy for some more Starbucks

The car is packed for one last day

Mary mapping out the route at a pit stop

Me at the Amtrak station in Raleigh, NC

Train #80 to Washington, DC

These were the last days of the road trip together. Bittersweet. At the start of the trip we intended to get Mary to Jacksonville before having to drive me back to Raleigh. But we just didn't have the time. Its too bad because I was really looking forward to seeing her apartment and the town she'll be living in for the next 12 weeks. I can't really remember much of the drive from Nashville to Raleigh except a lot of laughing and joking. We stopped in Ashville, NC for dinner which was a really nice town. The quaint buildings all decorated in lights and the fanciest McDonald's I've ever seen! It had a grand piano inside. We stopped to use the free Wi-Fi and restrooms which were disgusting! I had high expectations considering how it looked on the outside. We made it to Raleigh late in the evening and settled in to the hotel. I mapped out our route to the Amtrak station for the next morning which was only 7 minutes away! In the morning, Mary had to re-map it on google (I used mapquest)...which was ALWAYS wrong and got us lost several times, but she is a stubborn one that girl. She used her google directions the next morning and we realized, once again, we were heading the wrong way and out of town instead of downtown. Thankfully, the mapquest directions were correct and we made it to the station with 5 minutes to spare in order for me to check on my bag. This was crucial because I was only 10 days out of surgery and not allowed to carry more than 5 lbs...plus I hurt. I was secretly hoping to miss the train so we'd have more day but at the same time I was so excited to see my brother and his family. The train seemed to come way too soon and we didn't even have much time to say goodbye before I was boarding. Tears!!!! I was still walking toward my seat as the train started pulling away. The poor guy beside me was trying to have a conversation as I was crying and trying to respond. I don't know why he didn't pick up on it and stop asking me questions. I watched Mary walk to her car and then she was out of sight. I am so excited for her journey ahead but so sad my friend won't be there when I get home. I slept most of the way to DC which was nice. The seats on the train are so roomy! I watched the sights out of the window as we crossed Virginia...small towns...I think we kept passing by the less afluent parts of town. I eavesdropped on a kid and his mom in front of me (dad was getting out of jail and going to be living with them again and mom was breaking the news). I got the nerve to check out the snack car which was not great. I grabbed a pop and chips just to give me a jolt. Got to Union Station and found my big brother and niece and nephew waiting for me! So good to see them. I'll blog about my visit with all of them later. It was the greatest road trip and time I've had in a long time. It reminded me of just how much bonding, fun, new and unforgettable experiences that only a road trip brings. I am so grateful we did this together and I miss my friend. Her assignment in NC ends in April so we're already planning for the next road trip together. I plan to fly out and travel with her to the next assignment if I can get the time off. It should be Easter break by then. Thinking of the next trip makes me feel better. And we already can't wait to make the next tshirt!

Road Trip Recap: Day 5

Our cool Missouri waitress in background

best gas station purchase

Fort Messac rest stop

I LOVED Kentucky!!!!!

St, Louis from the back window

Road trip shirts officially decorated

Happy New Year!

Grand Ole Opry entrance

New Year's in Nashville! I wish we would have had more time to see more of the cities and towns we drove through. Its a good way to decide where you'd like to go back to though. My memory of the trip isn't as fresh as it was so this will likely be a shorter post. Still shaky on the drive but we're managing. Alignment must be off because the steering wheel shakes at high speeds which causes extra PTSD! Along with the wind, which never seemed to stop. We fueled up at a Denny's in Columbia, MO and had the greatest waitress. She was a firecracker with a twang who kept calling us "ladybugs". Loved her! We stopped at a gas station to make sure we could make it to Nashville by tonight. I found a hilarious biker face mask which provided us with some car entertainment for a while. Drove through St. Louis and saw the Peace Arch which was cool, but other than that and our waitress, I didn't get a good vibe from Missouri. We were told not to stay in St. Louis at all, especially East St. Louis. So in case you're traveling that way, it might prove to be helpful for you. Best tourist attraction and rest stop all in one...Fort Messac. Just outside of a city called Metropolis (think Superman). Cleanest bathrooms including Christmas decorations and plants, a Christmas tree in the main foyer, and the nicest lady 'manning' the place. We took photos of ourselves in the Superman cut out, of course. Creepy trucker or tourist guy hanging out way too long trying to chat us up when the conversation was clearly over...it was late and dark. We moved on fast after that. Made it to Nashville at 11:00 pm just in time to check in, crack the champagne, decorate our RTC t-shirts with all the places we'd been so far, and cheers to the New Year! Awesome organic pink champagne hauled from Calgary (Willow Park Liquors), YUM. We actually got turned around coming into town and ended up at a pretty seedy gas station on Main Street. Mary was beginning to get stressed so we pulled out the computer and looked for a route through town to our hotel. We made it! Our hotel is right across from the Grand Ole Opry and hotel in Music Valley. Had we known and had more energy, we would have driven downtown to watch the guitar drop at midnight and hear some music. But walking around the Opry was right up our alley and incredible to see. I need to get back to Nashville for sure. We didn't make it to the infamous Bluebird or Loveless Cafes, next time. They were too far out and time was beginning to become more of an issue to get Mary to NC on time to start work. Our hotel was the most expensive and worst one of the trip, toilet didn't work and no maintenance on call. No more rooms available. Mary booked through Hotels.com as well, so trying to rebook somewhere else, etc...too much of a hassle. We had a great night. Mary slept better than I did thanks to a humming and banging from the microwave. Next morning, the restaurants were buzzing with people! We managed to ask a hotel staff member at a different hotel than ours where to go and hit up the local Shoney's. Managed to find our way out of town alright and headed to our final destination (well, Mary's anyway)...North Carolina. Exciting! (I forgot that we drove through Kentucky...ate in a town called 'Peducah' which if you're an SLP or neurologist, you would first think of "puh-tuh-kuh' which is so cool! But we learned that the town is actually pronounced "puh-doo-kuh"). Loved the accent and the peeps. Must go back but not sure for what...Fort Knox or the Derby I guess. We're almost to NC and the trip is coming to an end...so sad!

Road Trip Recap: Day 4

So during the night in our hotel, the fire alarm went off. I jumped out of bed and went to the door to peek out and see what was going on. Sometime in the night when I was freezing to death, I put on my black 'Canuck' toque and was wearing black tights and a black t-shirt. Mary reports waking up and seeing "an alien" at the door with 2 heads (my head and the pom pom on my toque), light shining behind from the hallway, and a strange noise going off. We still crack up about it. She kept asking me the weirdest questions unrelated to the fire alarm. Next day we woke up early to meet Mary's travel therapy recruiter Matt at a cool restaurant called Wheatfields. Matt told Mary that they never get to meet the people they hire so since Omaha was on our route, we stopped so he could meet Mary. Had a great breakfast (best cinnamon bun ever) and then got to see the office and meet all of the recruiters. I miss the USA for the work culture, people are so amazingly friendly, interested, fun, and easy to talk to from the get go. I was so excited for Mary to be experiencing this in her new job. The day was short as we only made it to Columbia, MO and stopped in for the night to get some better sleep and get back on track. Especially after the spin out, we were still nervous driving for the rest of the trip and it took a toll. Lots of laughs and a new vocabualry which I will post some key words and definitions for you later...

Road Trip Recap: Day 3...landscaping

This day was not our best. We slept in a little which was much needed and felt soooo good. We got ready as usual. I had a weird premonition when I was in the shower that morning which I tried to shake off. We ate breakfast, packed the car, and then sat in the car for a while before going anywhere waiting for it to warm up and defrost the windshield. It was a cold morning after a night of snow. Our first. We'd been so lucky with weather and roads so far. Once the car warmed up, we hit the Starbucks drive-thru for some good coffee and headed onto I-29. I took this photo (above) not long after getting on the freeway. Within minutes after, the car started to fishtail slightly. Shit. We were rocking at freeway speed. The car continued to fish tail more and more and I remember asking Mary if she thought she was going to be able get control again. She looked at me and said, "no." At that point, things happened so fast. Mary stared straight ahead, arms braced at the wheel. Me lightly holding her left arm and calmly coaching us by repeating, "you're doing great, we're OK, you're doing great, we're OK, we're OK" as the car 360'd several times on the freeway before spinning off the road, down an embankment, spinning more in the ditch until finally coming to a halting stop. I kept thinking with every bump that we were going to roll. Thank God we didn't. Silence. I see a car pulling off on the side of the road and I get out of the car. I wave to signal that we are OK. Meet Scott Nelson from Grand Forks, ND. Citizen extraordinaire. He approached us calmly, made sure we could start the car, guided Mary through the thick cat tail stalks and back up the embankment and took it all in stride in order to keep us calm. Nicest man ever. I couldn't stop thanking him. What was my premonition in the shower that morning? That Mary and I slid off the freeway. We were now sacred to drive on the freeway and managed 30 mph with the hazards on until the next exit and headed to a small town gas station. The attendant directed us to a country road that paralleled I-29. We drove it the 2 hours to Fargo at a whopping 35 mph. Kudos to Mary for forcing herself back behind the wheel and moving forward. The thought of a winter storm on our tail was incentive to keep going and get back into warmer weather and onto drier roads. Mary insisted on driving the entire day as "therapy" and we stopped briefly in Fargo, then Sioux City, SD and finally Omaha, NE. We managed to survive on humor cracking jokes about doing a little random landscaping and taking out a corn field, and how we suddenly needed a pair of those nasty balls dangling from our cars. I was thrilled to find ball keychains at our pit stop in Sioux City and purchased a silver pair for Mary (her request) and a gold pair for myself. Mary was mortified that I made a beeline for the balls in front of everyone in the store but was appreciative of her new keychain once we were back in the car alone. Instead of 'fist bumps' we now have our signature 'ball bump' for good efforts. Hysterical. We plan to make 'North Dakota Landscaping' t-shirts and submit a small thank you story to the local Grand Forks newspaper to publicly thank Scott Nelson for his kindness and help. Things like that shouldn't go unnoticed. Omaha was a welcome sight and we pulled in to the nearest hotel, kicked back, processed the spin out as much as we could, and slept. I'll report about the 2:00 am fire alarm and Mary's alien encounter in the next post. Check out our balls:

Road Trip Recap: Day 2

Slept well. We are liking the Days Inn hotels. Had breakfast at the hotel in Brandon, MB before heading back out on the road. The continental breakfasts have changed! This one served hot eggs, bacon, and pancakes along with breads, bagels, cereals, boiled eggs, and of course coffee. We sure appreciated it. The morning is sunny and warm so we pack the car back up and head down the street for some Starbucks, a Staples (had to stop and print my travel insurance and plane ticket for the border) and a bank for Mary. The goal today is to drive from Brandon to Sioux City, SD. We make a stop in Winnipeg to visit my sista G and her family. It was SO good to see them, sit and talk, laugh, and drink tea. Mary kept us entertained with her tall tale stories and Gail and I laughed about all the Fortney quirks and our family history. I was amazed to learn that the other chains of Fortneys in our clan use our great gandfather as a teaching tool on drinking alcohol. Apparently, other Fortney families have their children test alcohol and see how they will react before pursuing it further because of Alex. Was he an uncle or grandfather? I might have the relation wrong but you get the idea. I won't even get into the possible 30 sibling story! My nieces have grown into charming, kind, beautiful ladies. Thanks for a great and long overdue visit! After we left their house, Mary and I spent 2 hours driving through the city trying to find our way out in the dark. Mary was determined to stick to her maps until I finally convinced her to pull over at a gas station so we could ask for directions. Gone are the days of gas station staff having to know their whereabouts in the city they work in...so luckily a kind woman named Shasta talked Mary off the ledge and gave us directions to get out of town. Everyone we met in MB was so helpful and friendly! By this time, the plan to hit Sioux City was a bust and we changed the goal to Fargo, ND. We made it to the border and stuck to Mary's protocol of stopping early (Duty Free shop) and sprucing ourselves up for the border crossing. We are the odd couple in a good way...Mary and her strict plans and rituals and me flying by the seat of my pants and going with the flow. The border guy cared more about telling me that there is no such thing as immigration lawyers (thanks to my H1B visa still in my passport) and that I should just show up at the border with a letter and not waste my money. I didn't argue with him even though he is talking about the TN visa and not mine. Mary is the one coming into the country to work and somehow he targeted me instead. He was nice, it was more like the boy bugging the girl in school kind of thing. The rest of the drive was easygoing until we got further into North Dakota. It was snowing and feeling a little icy so we opted to stop a little early in Grand forks, ND instead of Fargo (about another 2 hours away). This time we stayed at a Holiday Inn Express (and got the 2nd last room in town) which was also a really nice hotel. We ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday and headed to Target...just because. We didn't really buy anything though. Most of the drive was done at night so we were at Target around 10:00 pm and just ready to chill out and sleep in the hotel. Chatted in the hotel, made a tentative route change plan, and discussed the fact that Mary has to wear Khakis for her new job and how nasty they are. A new worry for her for the rest of the trip. We laughed and joked like we had been a ll day and eventually drifted off to sleep. I can't remember what we changed the goal destination to for tomorrow...I think the far edge of South Dakota or Nebraska? I better look at a map before blogging more so I get this right.

Road Trip Recap: Day 1

The first day was our most productive day and went according to Mary's plan...well, pretty much. It was long...12+ hours of driving including stops. We left at 7:00 am wearing our RTC (Road Trip Chicks) t-shirts and rolled into Brandon, MB around 10:00 pm. Fueled mostly by Starbucks coffee. We were so hoping to visit the Ruby's Cafe set in Saskatchewan (from the TV show 'Corner Gas') and score our first souvenir t-shirt. But we couldn't see it from the road and decided to keep on truckin' instead of taking any major detours. We were pretty sad about that. The roads were great and the weather was great until Brandon where it was cold and snowing, but still not that bad. We wasted no time in cracking jokes and laughing and losing our minds in the car together. This is why I love road trips. LOVE them. Our t-shirts caught a lot of attention and were a conversation piece from the get go, and that was really fun. We stopped in Swift Current (now affectionately referred to as "Swiss" Current thanks to a Freudian slip) for lunch at a nice little diner on Main Street called 'Modern Family Restaurant'. Had a surprisingly tasty and huge spinach salad there. After that, or before that...somewhere along the way, Mary realized that the gas tank was on empty and that we hadn't seen a gas station for a while. We continued to drive on empty with Mary panicking and me laughing. We were so relieved to finally see a pitiful little gas station up ahead and immediately pulled over. Only, when we began to look closer, the gas pump had no handle and the store was a little sketchy. I volunteered to go knock on the door but gave up when I saw this sign:

I had to take a picture and show Mary when I got back to the car. She did not find this funny. After minutes of debating how far we could go with the gas gauge needle now below empty, and whether we should hit up the next farmer or keep going...we decided to drive on. We found a little town called Metlarch and some locals in a realty office (portable trailer) who directed us up the road to a gas station on the highway. One of the ladies was incredibly kind and even offered to give us her cell phone number if we got stuck. The other lady looked unsure of us and I can't get her teeth out of my mind. We managed to make it to the functioning gas station on what gas was left and filled up. Mary was relieved and I was still laughing. We were both happy to get to Brandon and settle in for the night in a warm bed at the hotel. All in all, we stuck to our schedule, managed to reach our planned destination for the day, and had a lot of fun.