Short and Sweet

Still here, just nothing to write about...I think its mainly because I feel tired every day...awake enough to function through the day but tired enough to not have the energy or flair for email or to write on my blog page. I'm slowly coming out of the fog, but the key word is slowly. Lots going on actually, maybe I'll get to putting it down on my blog this week. Thought I better get something on here again in the meantime.

Catching up

Its been a while since I've blogged. I've been pretty tired these past few weeks and haven't been in writing mode. But my energy is slowly picking up! Time to catch up on the days past.

I finally finished ONE of my moccasins after two 4-5 hour classes and weeeeeeks of beading in between! I have a whole new appreciation for anything beaded or handmade using hide and sinew. My fingers were bleeding today. Seriously, I have blood on my moccasins as proof. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one. Battle scars! I'm pretty impressed with myself to be perfectly honest! It feels good to put so much heart, effort, time, and soul into making something. I have one more moccasin to finish, they take so much time. You'd never know it by looking at the finished product, but trust me on that, they take tiiiiime. I love that I learned a new craft but I'm not sure if I'll remember all the details over time. I hope I do.

Chatted with the Metis/Cree instructor and have been invited to a 'Cultural Camp' somewhere north and not sure when...lots of Cree Elders will be there and I suspect a lot of teaching about our culture...both Cree and Metis. Sister Gigi will need to come with me for that. The instructor, Brenda, also works with Native medicines. This was passed down to her through her grandmother. She's offered to work with me and asked if I wanted to be one of her case studies. That's a definate yes. I'm excited to get to know her better and take in some traditional Native healing. I am really excited that all of this came about. She said it would also be good for me to do a sweat, which is in the plans this summer...at Red Willow with my sista 'Red Wolf Woman'.

Not much else to report really...its been all about the moccasins these past few weeks. I start radiation tomorrow. I went for a mick tril last week and is it ever quick and painless! Nothing compared to chemo! Three cheers to that! It'll be a pain going EVERY day for the next 5 weeks but its worth it. Looks like I'm going back to work around April 6th as well...my oncologist was trying to talk me out of it but I'm eager to make some decent money again and to get back in the real world.

Time for bed and to rest my weary fingers!

Making moccasins

I can't wait to finish them! Signed up for this workshop and so glad I did. Little things like this make me feel like I'm connecting to my history but at the same time it also feels so far away. I have a lot of beading to do before the second half of the workshop and I hope I remember how to do it outside of class. The instructor is also Metis and has close ties to her Cree and Iroqouis heritage...she lives the Native way and learned from her Native ancestors since she was young. I liked learning from someone who is traditional and passionate about passing on this info so its not lost, like making moccasins. She told me that the Metis were known as the "Flower Bead Makers"...we learned the traditional Native way of beading and the flowers came from the Gray Nuns. Apparently, they used to crochet flowers and our people began to incorporate them into their beadwork. I love beads and beadwork, and hides, especially the smell of smoke from being tanned...I am so glad to finally be learning this. Classes like this are rare in the area. I feel like I lucked out. I can't wait to teach others or make mocassins for them.

Channeling Kokopelli and the Merman

I finally made it to Banff today. It was a beautiful day and warm! The roads were good, I was relieved. I grabbed my usual decaf soy latte with a shot of vanilla from Beamers and hit the road. A short but pretty drive. First stop was the Banff Indian Trading Post across the river. I always love this place even if it is half authentic Native goods and half souvenirs. Everyone comes to see the "merman" at the back of the store, I laugh everytime I see it, especially because of the tufts of white hair all over its head. Two young boys came to see it...I heard them come rushing to the back of the store. It was hilarious watching them and listening..."Is it alive"? Too funny. I think this is where my parents bought us our moccasins when we were young...mine were white with beads and lined with white rabbit fur...I wore those endlessly. I always remember those. (I can't wait for part one of my mocassin making class tomorrow).

I liked reading about the history of this Trading Post...the animals and animal heads have been there since the 1900s. There used to be Banff Indian Days when the Stoneys would come and dance, race, do archery and have a parade. Those days are gone. Too bad, wouldn't that be incredible to see now? And then.

Anyway. I unexpectedly found a gift for my nephew Henry, and a gift from the past for my brother...I'll tell you what that is once he has it in case he reads the blog. I think he'll laugh when he sees it and appreciate it at the same time. I soaked it all in and then went to main street. My three goals were to buy a drum, look at the Native flutes and get a Lululemon hoodie (I don't have one if you can believe that). I also saw a TV ad about a second hand store in one of the malls that I wanted to find.

I didn't find the second hand store but I did buy a black Lulu hoodie. Then I made my way to Sleeping Buffalo, another Native store. Well, right away I saw the flutes and asked about them The young guy/store clerk was so keen and helpful from the get go. He knew all about these flutes and has one himself. We laughed that we both used to play the clarinet...what are the odds that a guy played the clarinet? We bonded. I was glad to have someone so easy to talk with about the flutes. I wasn't intimidated. I asked him to play them for me...since he knew how and my lips are chapped and embarassingly cracked and raw. Of course this is the time I decide to check out flutes, key focus being the mouth! Aaaagh! I get myself into these situations all the time. The store provides straws to stick in the flute so you can play them...but I was too embarassed and self conscious. Plus, I have no idea how to play and it was good to hear the sound being played on its own, by someone else. I could focus on the sound and how it made me feel.

The sound was incredible. Relaxing. Again, like hearing the drum, I melted. I much preferred the sound from the cedar flute versus the walnut. It was deeper, calmer and went right to my core. And later, wouldn't you know that I found out that cedar is one of the original woods used by the Native Americans? Hmmm. Interesting. So much for the drum. I was sold on the flute and it felt right to be buying this. I did look at the drums, this is what I came for, but I soon realized that the drum is still too 'big' for me, I am not ready. I'm more comfortable hearing it played by others. And I knew I would play the flute right away and often.

My flute is quite plain and I love it. I'm hoping a name for it comes to me. Right now I just call it 'Cedar'. It came with a book and CD...very homemade looking book and CD which I love. When I got home, I read the intro to the book and the man who wrote it said,

"My experience is that it is a very magical instrument, in that it seems to appear when one needs it most."

Well, that's how it worked out for me today. He's right.

I finally played it, just notes, randomly. I love it. LOOOVE it. It sounds pretty just playing it without any idea of what I'm doing. And although I'll try and learn 'proper' notes and songs, the auther of this book and flute maker reminds us that the Indians did not have written music. Just music passed down from Elders and ancestors, or from sounds in nature.

That's the story of my flute!

Brrrrrr

Its snowing hard out there and windy. Just looking out the window makes me sneeze! White out conditions at the moment...looks like my trip to Banff is on hold for at least a day. Oh well. It wouldn't be much fun walking along main street in this weather. And I'm a pansy when it comes to winter driving. I would love to hit the hot springs though! Gotta wait a few more weeks for that...the ol' immune system needs to catch up before I go soak myself in a public pool of water! But oh how I have been craving to go there all season. Poor Kiva is whining to go outside, this is her kind of weather. Such a snow dog. Sorry girl, mom's a wimp today. Thankfully Jacqueline the biathlete/dog walker will be coming by to take Kiva to the dog park. She's a hardier stock than me, a true mountain woman type and used to being outside in this wintery stuff! 3 cheers for Jacqueline. By the way, this photo was taken today at around 2:00 p.m. Yep, its cold and gray out there!

Synchronicity

It started with the beating of a drum. I decided not to go to Banff today (I'm going tomorrow) and instead walked main street here in town. I went into a gemstone store that I've been meaning to go into for a while now. I'm not big on crystals and gemstones but I thought they might have some other neat stuff too. That store has the best vibe when you go inside. I felt so good in there...music playing, just a really good feel to it.

I noticed some sweetgrass, sage and sweetgrass and sage incense as well...I wondered if this is something I should get for the Elder when I do my first sweat in April. I put it down. I then picked up a clear quartz crystal key chain which I couldn't put down so I hung on to it and kept wandering through the store with it clutched in my hand. Then I heard the beating of the drum. I melted. Instant relaxation, I felt like a noodle I was so relaxed! I wondered why the store keeper was beating on the drum...was it instinctively for me? No...couldn't be. I decided then and there that I need a drum. It's time. I've been eyeing them ever since living in New Mexico but it never felt quite right to actually make a purchase. I didn't buy a drum from this store either as the clerk who knows all about the person who made them was not there and I need to know this information. And, I want to check out the Banff Native store before I choose one. I did have the clerk play them for me so I could hear the different sounds they made, and I beat them myself. It went straight to my core. I will buy a drum this week. Synchronicity...I am on my Native path, funny that this would happen.

Then I noticed the clerk's ring, gorgeous! Silver with a big fat rainbow moonstone...I didn't know it was moonstone until she told me. It almost looks like a white opal, wow. I made her pull out a ring tray and tried some on. And I bought one. I HAD to. Since coming home I looked up the meaning of moonstone...its one of the birthstones for June. MY birthday is in June. Synchronicity. It is considered to be a sacred gemstone and get this...

*it is associated with the pineal gland and brings hormonal balance
*it brings good fortune to the wearer

*promotes inner growth and strength

*protects those of a sensitive nature

*soothes and balances the emotions...balances yin and yang

*brings good emotions to the wearer

*it is considered to be a 'woman's stone' and for babies or a 'goddess' stone

*enhances intuition

*promotes inspiration

*brings sucess in love and business

*ignites passion

*used in meditation to understand self

Legend states that if you gaze into the stone you will fall into a deep sleep that would tell the future. Hmmm...all of these things fit with my life right now and what I need.

Then, I head to the bagel place for a sesame bagel with spinach & red pepper cream cheese. I didn't want to go home right away and needed something for lunch so I deviated from my raw diet a little. As I was waiting for my bagel, I see a sign for a workshop happening at the Canmore Coop. I checked out the Coop a month or so ago but it was still in the making and not quite ready, I wanted to join. And here it is again in front of me, and not only that, but the workshop is to learn how to make moccasins! I called right away, joined and signed up for the workshop. Saturday is part one and then the next half is later in the month. Synchronicity...the Coop and the moccasins. And I have always been obsessed with leather and beadwork like on moccasins...I used to have a pair as a kid, white with beads and rabbit fur. I used to constantly buy little wallets from the Banff Native store...with beads and smell the smoke from the hide.

So, this was my day. A great day. It started getting cold and windy, and I needed to get home to let Kiva out of her kennel. So, I'm back home. Tonight I'll make a fire and relax and reflect some more. I'm hoping to find something for my sister tomorrow in Banff as well.

Mountain therapy

I deleted my last blog entry. In retrospect, I don't think it was a good idea to vent on my blog...I hate being vulnerable and showing the negative side of me. Because I'm rarely negative. I need to get more comfortable with that because after all, life isn't always rosy. You can say that again sista! I've always admired those people who are honest and raw to the core, say-it like-it-is-kind-of-people, salt of the earth.

Anyway...mountain therapy. I was worried that it would be too lonely up here and that I might have too much time to think which could be overwhelming and depressing. But, that's not the case. I'm loving the time alone with my girl Kiva (dog) in the mountains. At least so far. I spent the weekend buying groceries and settling in, now I can start to kick back and relax. I'm back on the raw veggie diet full force versus half assed which feels good and I keep collecting 'cook' books...always ones with easy and quick recipes like "Raw food for busy people". Keeping it simple. Tonight I'm going to try making veggie udon soup.

I'm a regular at "Nutters", the local organic and community grocery store. Somehow the name alone makes me feel like I belong, ha ha. I brought my sewing machine to try and finish a few things I'm trying to make for my niece and nephew, and a few books, some music, videos...stuff to help me distract and also focus on my wellness. My latest kick is pH and the whole acid/alkaline food/body thing. I'm truly convinced that food is the key to my recovery and continued good health.

I rented a movie called 'Dear Frankie' on the weekend, good one. Any excuse to go to the movie rental place here...free popcorn as you browse, can't beat that!

Went for a walk today with Kiva and thought I'd never make it home! Still in recovery from my last and final chemo treatment, plus it has taken a toll overall on my weight, cardio, etc...all 'normal' according to the doctors but it feels crappy. I look in the mirror and see a big, bloated person, not me. My legs felt weak and on the way back I of course took the stairs up the mini mountain...if it weren't for Kiva pulling me up the last set of stairs I would still be on that trail. Good thing she's a husky! She was a real trooper and just seemed to know, she stepped in front and started to pull and lead instinctively. I can't wait to get her skijoring next year! How pathetic that walking has now become serious exercise for me. But...I already have my running schedule printed out and ready...I think in another week I can dive in slowly.

Well, off to coffee at Beamer's. Looking forward to a soy latte and warming up. Still feel bone cold after cooling off from my walk. Going to go to Banff tomorrow for a little stroll and shop. I want to find a Native flute at Sleeping Bear and visit the Native store. That's the latest day in the life of me.